Are we human, or are we dancers?
by Leolina
Summary: What accidents does it need to fulfil a dream? And what do you give up for living it? Ani/Obi slash
1. Chapter 1

**Are we human, or are we dancers?**

Foaming with rage I ran through our apartment straight into my room. Only seconds later I heard a soft knock on my door and Obi-Wan gazed into the room with this typical "My-Padawan-just-slammed-a-door-how-many-times-have-I-told-him-expression" on his boyish face that managed to drive me up the walls even if I was in a good mood.

And I was in everything but a good mood today.

As he saw me curled up in my armchair he tried in vain to hide a smirk and nonchalantly sat down on my bed.

"Oh, Anakin, what's it this time? Which girl am I supposed to shoot with lethal glares for the next centuries because she's broken your heart?"

I struggled for a dignified face but failed according to Obi-Wan's suppressed laughter.

"It's not like that. It's not a girl!"

Oh, if he could read my mind just for a moment he would know immediately how wrong he was…

"Did you get this invitation, too?"

As a reply he smoothly waved with a pink envelope.

"Oh Force…"

I collapsed in my armchair, face buried in my hands. Obi-Wan stared at me with blank looks.

"I don't want to be rude, Padawan…"

Now it was my turn to hide a grin because only the imagination of Obi-Wan being rude was ridiculous.

"…but what the Force is the matter with you?"

"Have you read your invitation? We have to dance, Master!"

"Well, it's a ball, Ani. Usually people dance there."

Still he didn't seem to grasp my problem.

"Master…? I cannot dance!"

His grimace would normally have made me laugh.

"But you had dancing lessons last year with Master Driadne! Where the Force have you been?"

Between his eyes there was this "Padawan-don't-tell-me-you-have-wrinkle" that I only knew too well and that usually meant at least two hours of meditating. I stared at my toes uncomfortably.

"Well, I guess… I have skipped those lessons with Ferus…because dancing is for girls!"

As I dared to look up, I noticed to my surprise that Obi-Wan looked rather amused than annoyed.

"But what do you think we are doing all the time with our sabers?"

"That's something completely different!"

"It's not. Now I know why you've never been able to beat me until now!"

Although I was ashamed his grin was simply adorable!

"Yesterday I almost kicked your saber!"

"But only because Mace came in and told me to let you live so that you could do the wash-up, Ani!"

"Oh, stop calling me "Ani", I'm already eighteen!"

"Stop calling me "Master", I'm only thirty-four! And most of all stop pouting. I'll give you a crash-course. Give me your hand."

I was a little confused and embarrassed. I hated making a fool of myself in front of my Master, and that was inevitable for I had never danced before. On the other hand I would finally be close to him…

"Come on, Padawan, it won't hurt. Give me your hand."

Encouraged I stepped forward and gave him a smug handshake. Probavly this was like dueling where you had to bow to your opponent as a sign of respect…

To my surprise Obi-Wan burst into a laugh. I went flaming red. What had I done wrong?

"Well… nearly, Anakin!"

With a wide grin he took my both hands into his, folded my left into his right and put my right hand onto his hip. I flushed even more, but he didn't seem to be embarrassed at all.

As he explained different paces, I tried to listen although it was not easy to focus with my hand on his hip…

And then suddenly he freed from my grip and left the room, but before my obscured mind could recover enough to wonder he returned with his arms full of HoloDisks.

"Count yourself lucky that I have some tapes with music.

I counted myself lucky that I had found my breath again.

"Wow, I thought possessions are forbidden!"

"As you may notice, these are teaching aids!"

And then beautiful sounds flew through the air and I was flying, I was gliding along in the arms of Obi-Wan, and it was easy, it was fascinating, it was brilliant. I deeply breathed in his scent of peppermint and honey, touched his hip through far too many layers of cloth and felt his heartbeat that easily melted with the music.

It was like accelerating to Hyperroom, like flying somersaults and loopings, like sparring in a rhythm our breath gave us.

And then, as I thought I would burn up, melt in my Master's arms, it was over, paradise stopped by a simple knock on the door. Obi-Wan force-pushed the button of the HoloDisk reader, the music died down and he opened the door, his cheeks the tiniest bit of flushed.

I wasn't that self-composed, my legs were shaking, my cheeks were burning and I collapsed on my bed, trying to calm my breath and my heart that beat frantically.

I guess I was not very successful until I heard Obi-Wan's voice again in the Living Room, and I knew the second voice, too, that was briefing him in a stern manner.

"…have to leave immediately, Obi-Wan. I'm sorry, but the situation on Ennis…"

Disenchanted I let myself relapse on the bed. I didn't need to hear more. It was always the same. My busy Master was sent from mission to mission, people loved and trusted him and his abilities. Negotiating where others would fight, fight where others would give up and all that with a twinkle in his sea-blue eyes and a sarcastic comment on his lips.

He never mentioned how tiring his live was, he always focused and smiled and had an open ear for everybody. It was me who woke up in the middle of the night and found him curled up on the sofa, too tired to go to bed, it was me who reminded him to eat, it happened that he forgot that for days, and it was me who always saw him rushing out the door with a good-bye on his lips and a rueful expression in his eyes and no time for his Padawan. I didn't blame him, I just blamed the Jedi Council…and my own stupid, heart that longed for those rare hours with him where he was just Obi-Wan, not General Kenobi.

Still talking with Mace Windu my Master threw some tunics in his old leather bag and tried in vain to pack his MedPac. I stood up to help him, got a grateful smile and a short "good-bye", and the last thing I saw was a thatch of beautiful ginger hair dancing through the crowd of Jedi and disappear behind a corner.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everyone!

Thank you so much for reading my story, it came to me when I walked home from a Dance Lesson (how peculiar ) and I had quite fun writing it. (Please forgive me, but I'm hopelessly romantic)

Hope you will have fun reading it, and if you like, leave me a review…please 

And please don't imagine choking me with Qui-Gon's plait if I make any mistakes…I try my best!

Spoiler: I own nothing, for sure, if I did, Anakin would definitely not bolt with this silly Senator… Oh, what I own are the silly planet names…forgive me!

Chapter 2

Sometimes I thought this would kill me one day. This desperate search for signs that he loved me, he needed me, too, and that I was more than a Padawan to him, this breathless waiting for him to come home, this living just for the moments when he looked at me with those sea-blue eyes…

Two years ago, I had been injured during a mission, my right shoulder was pierced with Blaster wounds and I had fallen on my head which was broken. But those days in the Healers' ward with an aching body and a oddly blurred mind had been the best days in my life, because Obi-Wan had been sitting at my bed, held my hands and looked at me with so much concern in his beautiful eyes that it had been easy to imagine that he cared for me more than for anybody else.

Once we had been on a mission to Opendi , guarding some terribly important election, I think, and there had been only one bed in our room. Sleeping next to my Master had almost been more than I could bear without grabbing him and kiss him until eternity began.

In fact I had not slept at all, I just watched Obi-Wan who looked even younger when those starlights of wisdom were closed, and so vulnerable and cherubic that I literally had to sit on my hands to not touch his cheeks.

Now I was really looking forward to the ball in the Senate's Building. I knew that the probability of being able to dance with Obi-Wan was even smaller than my patience in meditating, with all the politicians and newspaper spies and other Jedi around, but seeing him dancing would be quite good. In fact only seeing him would be quite good, because his mission on Ennis took far too much time for my taste, and I thought that he would sure be back for the ball. Obi-Wan Kenobi would never miss an appointment, and if he had to walk barefoot through the whole galaxy.

But time went by, and there was still no sign of my busy Master. I dressed up with Ferus, what mainly meant to comb our hair, chose a new tunic and tell each other that he looked like Sithspit, then we went off to the Senate's Building.

***

To say that it was terrible would be like calling a Nexu a pussycat. Everywhere there were politicians trying to softsoap everyone who looked like a Jedi, and giggling girls dressed in loud pink and red who touched my arm in order to make me dance with them. I really tried it, I swear, but without Obi-Wan it were just silly steps with even sillier dancing partners.

So I stood in a corner of the hall, nursing my drink and trying to be invisible. Force, Obi-Wan, where are you?

But again I was the fool for he had never promised me anything. I was definitely not in the position for being mad at him because he didn't turn up, he would have his reasons. Nevertheless I was more disappointed than I would admit to myself.

If I could just stop loving him. I guess I've tried for a thousand times now to tell my subconscious to spare me those silly dreams at night, either cutesy kissing scenes between us or nightmares when he was tortured, that it was useless for my heart to react like a broken Hyperroom engine every time he touched me and that my knees should stop shaking when he looked at me. He was definitely no good for me… but somehow my body didn't want to accept these wise orders.

Once I've even tried to ignore him completely, and it worked pretty well for some days, but then he caught me up in the corridors, putting his arm around my shoulders and asked with honest worries in his calm voice if I was mad at him.

If it was just easier to be mad at him. He was the closest thing to perfection a man could be, full of compassion and generosity and wisdom and with this incomprehensible quirk of risking his life for others. I guess if he knew about my feelings he would be utterly mad at himself for having to disappoint my hopes.

Time went by over my musing, and the hall emptied slowly. Ferus had left hours ago, arm in arm with a tolerably cute blonde humanoid, laughing and joking and flirting so obviously that I could only hope for him Master Windu would be too drunk to notice. Only the eagerest politicians and some chatting Jedi were left, and I was just about to stand up and make my way home alone as the folding doors opened again.

In front of the always-glowing skyline of Coruscant Obi-Wan's features seemed to shine. His hair was ruffled, he wore a black robe over a simple tunic, the traditional dress on Ennis, and his eyes reflected the lights of the ball hall.

Immediately I forgot my rage and disappointment, in fact, only by the look in his eyes I forgot everything.

He didn't seem to have noticed my presence, what was no wonder because all the remaining guests were ganging up around him, greeting him and obviously toadying him. I didn't dare to move, first of all I had to calm myself and my racing heart. It was always the same. As if things were not bad enough already they got even worse when I had not seen Obi-Wan for some time. Meeting him then felt like a punch into my stomach, because my memory always failed to remember how beautiful he really was.

While staring at Obi-Wan (ok, ok, I admit I stared) another memory came into my mind, of a day about three years before. The day when I had fallen in love with my Master.

He had told me to meet him in the training halls after my lessons for some sparring, and for a change I had been a good boy and opened the door exactly as Obi-Wan held his saber on Master Windu's throat, laughing "checkmate" with triumphingly sparkling sea-blue eyes. Then he saw me, waved and let Windu stand up. As they walked towards me they were joking and laughing. Obi-Wan had put out his shirt and many female apprentices giggled and tried not to stare at him to obviously. And then the sun broke through the cloudy sky of Coruscant and let his ginger hair shimmer in pure gold and his eyes sparkle as the most precious sapphires in the galaxy, and I realized just how miraculously beautiful my Master was. I just came to my senses when he waved with his hand in front of my eyes, asking if I would sleep with open eyes. Well. I did not sleep, but from this day on I had started to dream.

I had kept my eyes on him as he tried to maneuver through the hall but got delayed by a million of reporters he shook off with his boyish smile and a gentle comment (he was the only one I know that managed to disappoint the press without losing his state as the most adorable Jedi ever. He had never been giving interviews, insisting that newspapers should write about pop stars , what he was definitely not, but still they admired him. I guess it's simply impossible to not like Obi-Wan Kenobi), and even more female fans who flirted so desperately that jealousy felt like a stab in my heart, but he was simply disregarding them, too. On some faces I could see the same feelings that kept me awake in the night, the knowledge that one should hate this man but simply couldn't, however hard one tried.

Obi-Wan respectfully greeted the Chancellor and slapped Bail Organa's shoulder who nudged him playfully in revenge, and when I was just wondering if I should dare to walk over towards them he suddenly stood next to me, with this grin I loved so idolatrously and signs of twinges of remorse in his eyes.

"Hello, Anakin. I'm sorry I'm late."

I could have been mad at him now or telling him never to let me wait again, but his eyes were engulfing all my words like black holes, I could only stare at him and nod and mumble something that hopefully didn't sound too silly.

"What happened?"

Wow, a complete sentence without drooling!

Again he grinned, but this time a little crookedly, and now I noticed the bandages around his shoulder.

"Master, you are hurt! What the…"

Soft, a little calloused fingers on my lips.

"Sshh, Anakin, or these vultures of reporters will torment me to get their story!"

I couldn't help but grin at this imagination, and he felt the movement of my lips and grinned back.

"It's nothing serious. Just a Blaster shoot."

"It's nothing serious. Just my shoulder's slashed!"

My mumbled words through his fingers made his smile widen, but still with a small wrinkle between his eyes. He lowered his hand from my mouth when a beautiful woman walked towards us, obviously close to a faint. Obi-Wan greeted her friendly and I bowed my head with his words.

"Good evening, Senator Ciana. You look marvelous as always."

I knew that this was just politeness, but still it hurt, and as she asked him to dance he gave me a rueful smile and followed her to the dance floor. She had linked arms with him and giggled affectedly while he was only trying to treat his shoulder with care. I was quite sure that he was hurting, he always understated his physical state because he hated nothing more than being pitied, well, except from flying, probably, and then it would be poison for him not to take a rest. But Obi-Wan Kenobi never took a rest, in his struggle to satisfy everyone he was unstoppable. That was why I hated him …that was why I loved him.

***

I thought that this one dance couldn't take long, and then I would drag my Master home, and if I had to tie him up in bed. But the Senator had friends. Obi-Wan tried to escape several times, but they were giggling and clinging onto his arms and begging him to stay and he didn't stand a chance. I watched them for some time, trying to decide if I should be amused or crossed, then I clinched to wait outside. The hall was almost empty now, it was far past midnight, and there were only a handful of girls around my Master, so it couldn't take long anymore until we could leave. I gave him a short wave, he nodded exhaustedly and I opened the door to the yard.

The cool wind ruffled my hair and for some time I was just happy to lean against a wall and watch the stars, knowing that the one I loved would fetch me soon. After a while the door opened and Obi-Wan's fan club appeared, giggling and chatting, obviously enchanted by the dance with their crush.

Again I waited, but nothing happened. What did Obi-Wan wait for? I pushed off the wall and entered the hall, expecting to see my Master dance with a girl I had overlooked, but the dance floor was empty. The music was still playing, obviously no one had felt responsible for turning it off, but except the soft sounds I didn't hear anything. I walked further through the hall, but there was no sign of Obi-Wan. Then, as I was just about to turn around and leave alone I saw him.

He sat on a chair in a corner, bent down, his face buried in his hands. I rushed towards him and carefully touched his shoulder.

"Master?"

He looked up, and the exhausted and sad look in his usually unfathomable eyes made me frown. His voice was low and hoarse as he answered.

"I'm alright…just…dizzy."

I couldn't help stroking his forehead sympathetically, but as my fingertips touched his skin I flinched in shock. His head was glowing with fever, it felt like touching the twin suns of Tattoine with your bare skin. Obi-Wan huddled his burning cheeks to my cool hands, sighing weakly, but I couldn't be really happy about this gesture of affection now.

"Master, you're running a fever. You have to go home!"

He nodded slightly and tried to stand up, but his feet wouldn't carry his weight so I grabbed his arms to support him. Suddenly, without knowing what had happened I found myself in a dancing position, Obi-Wan's arms around my waist, his head resting heavily on my shoulder. That was the moment when my mind stopped working, I just pulled his hot body closer to my chest and we were swaying along to the music. Obi-Wan's eyes were closed as he lifted his head and our lips were touching for the tiniest, most brilliant moment, then his bearded cheek brushed mine as his whispered words found their way into my ear.

"I love you, Anakin."

He was burning with fever and I didn't even know if he would remember this evening tomorrow, but it didn't matter to me.

We've got tonight. Who needs tomorrow?


	3. Chapter 3

Hey everyone,

I just typed the next chapter :-) Hope you like it! Please review, I know this is a rather boring part, with Anakin musing all the time(Imagine! Anakin! Musing! ;-)), but I'm pathetic, you know. I hope I don't drive you mad with the last part, I just had no time to type on because tomorrow I will leave for France...student exchange, and I'm scared stiff! But I refer to the Terminator:

"I will not kill anyone...I swear!"

I had to admit that almost ten years of Jedi Training had been obviously wasted on me. I was twisting around in the apartments I lived in with Obi-Wan for half an hour now, sitting down to check my CommLink, standing up to gaze through the window or simply tripping over my own feet in my struggle to do two things a time. It felt like I'd tried to cam my thoughts and to let go of my excitement for a thousand times now, but relaxing just didn't want to work because I flinched every time I heard a sound from outside the door.

The reason for my, well, not very Jedi-like behaviour was simple.

Obi-Wan would come home.

He'd been on an undercover mission for almost two months now, and it felt like I couldn't bear his absence for only one day longer. Slowly I started to understand why Jedi shouldn't feel personal attachments, because today every battle droid could have clobbered me in a minute.

Again I tried to cool down, because Obi-Wan would definitely tease me for my nervousness, but instead of meditating I rhapsodised in memories.

The morning after the ball night it took me two hours of hard work to simply make Obi-Wan look at me without mumbling something about how sorry he was and if I could forgive him.

The truth which he didn't want to accept was that it should have been me to feel guilty about the happenings, because I had used his lack of consciousness for my own aim, and I needed another hour of curses, pleads and tears to make him end up in my arms again.

I guess this was the first and the last time that I could beat the Negotiator in a discussion.

When I had been waking up the next morning I felt like still dreaming. For sure Obi-Wan had woken up earlier, but he had not moved an inch from my arms to not wake me up. I kept my eyes closed for a long time, it was just too good to feel his warmth radiating through my always-cold limps and his ginger hair stroking my chin.

That had been half a year ago, and it had been the best time of my life. All in all I had even improved my fighting skills, because the knowledge that I could stare at Obi-Wan whenever I wanted to made it much easier to concentrate on sparring and not on his bare chest with this adorable ginger down.

I had always loved sparring with Obi-Wan, although I did never stand a chance against him. Sure I had outgrown him when I was sixteen (he had not talked to me for almost a week), but he was wiry and every movement he made was sure and unerring. He knew his body well and moved gracious like a dancer. I, however, was unsure and awkward, I'd grown too much in too short time and always tripped over my own feet.

When he beat me for the thousandth time one afternoon I was so frustrated and embarrassed that I just dropped my saber and rushed away. I simply hated making a fool of myself in front of him. He walked after me, worried and sympathetic, and asked me what was wrong. As I blurted out with my troubles about how unsure I felt, how clumsily I behaved besides him, and that I never would be able to fight like him he just hugged me (in fact only that had been worth throwing a tantrum) and told me that I couldn't compare myself to him because he was twenty years older ("sixteen" I corrected him. I hated when he made himself older than he really was, that only widened the gap between us).

When he noticed that this statement made my mood go down even more he told me about the time when he had had my age.

"I felt like living in the body of someone else. I was stumbling and tripping all the time, and one fine day I had the bad luck to fall against Bruck Chun, another initiate. Well, from this day on, I had my nickname: Oafy-Wan"

I laughed unbelievingly, I couldn't imagine how my gracious Master stumbled, neither could I someone having the cheek to call him oafy, and he laughed with me. From this day on I have never felt unsure in sparring again.

Another memory of the training halls hit me, but this was not nearly as positive.

After my saber lessons I had to wait for Obi-Wan who had promised to fetch me after a meeting with the Council so that we could eat together. As I was packing my things, Ferus Olin, kind of my rival when I had been sixteen, started to pull my legs. He was angry because I had beaten him twice that day, one time with an impressing succession of somersault and blow that Obi-Wan had shown me. I had been quite proud about that, and I was really looking forward to telling my Master everything about my victory, but Ferus ridiculed my manoeuvre as a lucky strike. As I told him that my Master had taught me the pace he laughed at me and sneered that he was sorry for criticizing my "holy, beloved Obi-Wan, the man who knows everything about the Force...and about everything else, of course!"

Well, it was ok if he offended me, but I would not let him offend my (truly beloved) Master. I grabbed my saber and obviously that was what Ferus wanted. We both fought grimly, this was not a training fight anymore, this was real, stubbornness versus stubbornness, hurt pride versus hurt pride. I was so furious that I fought like never before, and Ferus didn't stand a chance. He had lost his saber, the he tripped and fell to my feet, but still I was not man enough to control my rage. For sure we only had training sabers, but still, a blow with them hurt and left weals and blisters on the skin. I didn't care, in fact I wanted to hurt Ferus to make him regret what he said, so I brandished my saber down with all my power...and got blocked by a blue blade. Instinctively I turned half with again lashing sword...and stared into the wide open, sea-blue eyes of my Master. He had entered the hall just when I kicked Ferus' saber and threw himself between us to prevent me from the blow against a defenceless. My saber had hidden his shoulder he had left uncovered because he had not expected me to hit him.

I couldn't believe that I had hurt my Master, the man I was secretly in love with, so I simply stared at him, panting heavily while I watched the emotions in his eyes that stabbed my heart: hurt, anger, disbelief and bitter disappointment. Then his face hardened, and he turned away to Ferus, who was still crouching on the floor.

"Are you all right, Initiate Olin?"

Ferus nodded, obviously too frightened to speak.

"Then you'll better go now. Siri will worry about you."

As Ferus left, Obi-Wan bent own to pick up my lightsaber, then he turned around without even glancing at me and headed for the door. Finally I woke up out of my petrification.

"Master...I'm so sorry! I never wanted to hurt you!"

As Obi-Wan turned around I dwindled under his gaze full of disdain. He had never looked at me that way before.

"You are sorry that you hurt me? That's not of importance, Anakin! You would almost have struck a defenceless boy! You've trampled o every value a Jedi believes in! That's of importance!"

And with a last daggering look he vanished through the door. As soon as he had left, tears were streaming out of my eyes. I was so sorry for my outburst it felt like being torn apart, and it took hours until I dared to go home.

My attempts to open the door and flit in unobtrusively were completely in vain, because Obi-Wan sat at the kitchen table, trying to bandage his wound. He didn't look at me and I watched him from the door, too afraid to move. Obi-Wan struggled with the MedPac because he could only use one hand, and before I could think I had already went up to him and carefully taken his hand into mine. He only watched me with unfathomable eyes while I put Bacta on the burned skin and gingerly bandaged it with a piece of cloth, but he didn't shove me away, and that was more I could have claimed.

He didn't say anything, and finally I could not bear the silence any longer.

"Master...I'm so sorry. I should have... I should have controlled my rage, but Ferus provoked me...That's no excuse, I know, I should have..."

And to my unbelieving surprise a small smile lightened up his beautiful features, and he stroke my arm reassuringly.

"I know, Ani...come here."

He pulled me into a warm embrace and let me sob into his tunic while he stroke my back comfortingly. When I had regained my self-composure, Obi-Wan raised his voice again.

"Your emotions are part of you, Anakin, and that's how it is meant to be. But if you don't learn how to control them, they could probably ruin your future."

If he knew how grimly I controlled the desire to kiss him right now...

"The thing is..." he swallowed, "...I know exactly how you feel. When I had your age, there was a boy who provoked me nonstop, too. His name was Bruck Chun."

I knew about Bruck Chun since our first mission together when we had met his father, Vox Chun, and I felt the tiny struggle in Obi-Wan's voice. He still had not forgotten the death of his former rival.

"Unfortunately, he succeeded in his efforts to make me fight against him only a few weeks before my thirteenth birthday. The battle ended drawn, we were both marked heavily, but he went straight to the Healers' Ward to tell them I had attacked him without a reason. Yoda didn't really believe Bruck's story, but he told me that I should have been able to resist his provocations. As a punishment I was sent to the AgriCorps four weeks before my birthday, and I had not found a Master until then. It was only a fortunate coincidence that Qui-Gon travelled on the same spacecraft and that I finally could convince him to take me as his Padawan Learner. Otherwise I would still be on Bandomeer now..."

I listened with wide eyes. He had never told me that story before. I couldn't even try to imagine what would have happened if he had not become a Jedi, only the thought of never having met him made me shiver. Again he had just found the right way to make sure what he told me reached my heart and stayed there, and I could count myself lucky for such a wise and magnanimous man on my side.

Waking up out of my daydreams I realized that dusk was already crouching behind the skyscrapers of Coruscant. Obi-Wan should have been landed long ago. A little mad at myself I pulled out my Commlink, but still there were no incoming messages. Rather following an elusive feeling than a plan I switched on the Holonet function and scrolled towards the news.

I read the first lines, and the blood in my veins turned to ice.

"Explosion on Metamorphosis - General Kenobi missed"

After an explosion on the spacecraft "Metamorphosis" from Endia to Coruscant with dozens of dead, Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi (34) is still missed. "He's not among the recovered bodies, as far as I can tell", a rescue worker said half an hour ago, "but I don't know. Some of them are far too burnt to be identified..."

I could not read on, the words blurred in front of my eyes as pictures started to chase through my head. Obi-Wan exploding in a gigantic fireball... Obi-Wan lying on the ground, face half-burnt, begging for help...Obi-Wan closing his beautiful eyes forever...Obi-Wan!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey you all :-)

Thank you for reading on, I promise in this chapter there is actually something happening! (For a change)

Thank you for the reviews…could I please, please, please have more? Let's say, as an Easter present…*Puppy Face*

Reeling I stood up, my heart beating desperately. Please don't let him be…

I turned around and flew through the empty corridors of the fast asleep temple, shivering, trembling, half-mad with fear that squeezed my heart. As I reached the Council Hall, I burst into the room without knocking, without waiting for them to call me in and without even noticing my lack of politeness. The Council Members were in a feverish discussion and only Master Yoda seemed to notice my presence. He studied my fear-distorted face sadly, then nodded and waved me to a place to his right. I slumped onto the chair, my knees shaking like hell. Mace Windu's voice drowned out the others and I clenched my fists so fiercely that it hurt. I didn't want to hear…

"Well, this is our knowledge so far. The "Metamorphosis" was leaving Hyperroom when a fire broke out in the Engine Room due to a manipulation of the steering machine. As the fire reached the fuel tanks, the ship exploded. This happened at about half a minute after the burst of fire. The crew told us that Obi-Wan was in the lowest floor at that moment, on a meeting with Commander Cody. Even if he had noticed the danger it would have taken him at least five minutes to reach the upper deck, the only deck where passengers could be rescued from.

His voice had went a little hoarse in the end. I heard Adi Gallia's silent sobs behind me. All around me, there were blank faces and eyes full of despair that could still not measure the ache in my ribcage. As Master Yoda spoke, his voice was louder than usual, because the complete silence seemed to echo his words.

"Give up all hope, we must not. Alive, he could be."

Nobody dared to contradict, but nobody seemed to believe in his words. In fact I was not sure if he believed them himself.

Suddenly the high beep of a CommLink broke the silence. Master Windu answered the call, his face pale and worried.

"Master Windu, Jinx here, Rescuing Troop."

The familiar voice of a Clone filled the air.

"The fires are extinguished, Sir. We have tried to reach the lowest floor…or what is left of it, but the door is blocked by the melted Durasteel. And…"

He faltered for a moment, then cleared his voice and went on.

"And we found holes in the door. Holes of a lightsaber. Obviously General Kenobi tried to cut his way through…but he didn't make it…I'm sorry."

I had never heard a Clone fighting tears. Again silence, even more desperate than before. Master Windu thanked the Clone and ended the communication. Nobody said a word for hours, we all waited motionlessly, prayed and feared. Nobody went to bed, as if the terrible certainty that was slowly taking hold of us all could be endured more easily together.

Never see his smile again…those sea-blue eyes with the tiny black sparkles around the iris…never hear his voice…his dry sense of humor…this deep chuckle…the down on his arms, ginger and soft…his arms around me…his scent…peppermint and honey…he had always hated flying…how could he know…

My thoughts were running around in circles, but what did it matter? My world was gone, how could I just sit there and wait when every cell of my body wanted to scream in agony? I lifted my head and stared in the sky where dawn was coloring the glass and Durasteel of the city into reflecting miracles…how could anything be beautiful? A spacecraft was hovering gently between the skyscrapers, it was glittering in silver and white. I watched it come closer…and closer…until it landed on the Temple platform. Three tiny shapes were leaving it, just as tall as coins…and the first one had ginger hair!

I jumped up and my chair fell backwards, but I didn't care, neither did I about the confused an angry looks of the Council Members, I just raved out of the door, along the corridor, towards the landing platform. My heart dashed even faster than my steps, I careened around the last corner…and saw him. Burned, exhausted, reeling, but alive, so marvelously alive!

The smile on his face was like the saving sunshine after a moonless night, and as I fell into his arms, I felt his heartbeat, tasted the familiar scent ad heard his low breathing next to my ear. We were both crying, and it took some time until I could let go of him, still not completely convinced that he would not simply vanish under my gaze as an imagination of my mind, but he stayed, and we both knew what the other was thinking:

Thank you, Force, for only this moment.

***

As Obi-Wan entered the Council Hall, loud gasps of surprise and shock echoed from the walls. Adi Gallia ran over to him and hugged him, eyes wide open with tears of luck and disbelief, and even Mace Windu forgot his countenance and embraced his friend almost as feverishly as I had.

Master Yoda slowly limped towards him and Obi-Wan bent down. They both simply looked into each other's eyes for a moment, then Yoda nodded slightly and indicated him to take a seat between us. Slowly the Council Members took place again, too, and finally everybody was looking at Obi-Wan and Yoda, ready to listen. Yoda raised his voice.

"Happy, our hearts are, that survived you have, Obi-Wan. Rest, you need. But what happened, to tell us you have first."

Obi-Wan stood up, too. His skin was burned, he had severe bruises on arms and legs and his temple was slashed open, but his voice was as calm as always.

"The mission on Endya was quite successful, and together with Commander Cody and his Troops we could secure the peace. When we were entering the "Metamorphosis", I discussed with Cody where to meet for a short report about Endya's problems. A worker on the ship had listened and told us to take the lobby in the lowest floor, there we would surely be undisturbed. I thanked him and walked downwards, Cody and Cam.."

He nodded towards the other two men behind him.

"…who was meant to protect us from unwelcomed visitors, came after me. Suddenly we heard the low sound of an explosion and the ship trembled heavily. Cam ran towards us and told us that the door was blocked. I tried to cut our way through with my lightsaber, but I failed. We decided to walk back into the lobby, because there was almost no smoke in the air. I knew that if the ship broke into pieces, we wouldn't stand a chance to be rescued, so we needed to escape from the trap as fast as possible. Suddenly a small spacecraft appeared in front of the window and I decided too…"

He coughed hoarsely, obviously he was again more exhausted than he would admit. The Clone called Cam continued on a nod of Master Yoda.

"He asked us if we trusted him, and as we affirmed, he broke the glass and anchored his rope catapult on the vessel. Then he grabbed our hands and we jumped into space. It was dangerous because the General had to tow in the rope without letting Cody and me go, but he managed it, and as we reached the vessel, he cut a hole into the Durasteel wall and pushed us in. He told us to wait and give him support, then we entered the cockpit."

Obi-Wan continued.

"We found the ship worker who had advised me to take the lowest lobby. When we questioned him, he boasted that it had been him to manipulate the steering machine. He pointed out that the attack had only been directed on me, but the other killed people didn't matter to him. Then he drew out a Vibro Knife, but realized that he couldn't win against three. He stabbed himself…I couldn't prevent him."

The last words were almost apologetic. I groaned silently. Only Obi-Wan Kenobi could grieve for those who wanted to kill him. And only Obi-Wan Kenobi could have risked his own life to save two Clone Troopers in a daredevil maneuver like dangling in space from a foreign and hostile spacecraft.

Yoda raised his voice again.

"Well, you did, Obi-Wan. Proud of you, we are. Now, a rest you take. Bring you to your rooms, your Padawan will."

I took Obi-Wan's arm while he was thanking Cody and Cam for their faith in him, ad as we turned around the corner, he rested his head on my shoulder. The floors were empty and dark, so I pulled my arm around his shoulders and pressed him to my side while we were walking. As he spoke, his lips snuggled to my collarbone, his voice was low and drowsy.

"Seems that you always end up carrying me home, Anakin."

I bowed my head and my lips found his, soft and warm and with the slightest taste of ember.

I would carry him miles if that meant he was with me.


	5. Chapter 5

Hello again, and thank you, thank you, thank you for your lovely reviews! It really means a lot to me to know that people spread over the whole world enjoy my story and offer their precious time to leave me a review! Would you mind doing that again for me? Pleeeeaaaassssseeeee :-)

I hope you like this part of the story, too, although I fear I'm reeling pretty waywardly between fluff and angst…but I couldn't prevent myself from adding a little cuddling scene. Even Jedi need a time-out…and my tear-glands, too!

Please excuse eventual mistakes in this part, I'm running a little fever at the moment and cough like Grievous…Sithspit that I can't use this excuse for every story :-)

The next morning I was woken up by a low voice humming in my ear. Drowsily I grabbed the hand that was gently stoking my chest and snuggled deeper into Obi-Wan's arms. He chuckled slightly and buried his nose in my hair. I turned my head to kiss his throat.

"I really missed you…", I mumbled as he kissed my neck and then stretched like a lazy Nexu in the morning sun.

"So did I…", he smiled as I stroke the tiny ginger hairs on his arm and leaned his head on my shoulder, and I promised myself never to leave this place again, no one could ever force me out of his arms, no one but…

"Obi-Wan…when do you have to go again?"

He tickled my waist and I chuckled, but he couldn't distract me completely.

"I'll be honest, Anakin…"

Ok, he would leave in an hour, or two, or tomorrow, but even if he went away in years it would be far too early…

"…I've got no idea."

I laughed and nudged him playfully.

"Stop frightening me, Master. That's irresponsible!"

He chuckled, but began to hum in my ear again as if to calm me down.

"Have I…have I ever really frightened you?"

Now there was no mock in his voice, rather a little concern. I turned around to kiss the tip of his nose, then I buried my head in the crook of his neck.

"Well…once, when I was close to stabbing Ferus…"

Again he chuckled.

"Oh yeah, I was pretty furious then…"

He gently slapped my head.

"Silly guy!"

I cautiously ran my fingers over the pale scar on his shoulder where my saber had burned the flesh. Obi-Wan sighed contentedly and pulled me closer as suddenly…

PeepPeepPeep

We both flinched. It was Obi-Wan's CommLink, and I groaned in displeasure.

"Oh Force, why can't they just leave us for a moment?"

Obi-Wan smiled ruefully and tried to move out of my grip to answer the CommLink, but I held him in place. Probably he was older than me, but I was taller.

"What if I just won't let you go? They can care about their stuff themselves!"

It was only half for fun, and he knew it as well as me.

"Anakin, I have to, you know…"

For sure I knew, but I only tightened my grip, grinning mischievously although I rather felt like crying. If he wanted to go, he would have to fight. But again I had not reckoned with Obi-Wan's cunning.

He just pulled my head down and kissed me, kissed me, kissed me, his lips on mine, I tasted his scent, my heartbeat fastened, how the Force did he manage to muddle me up so thoroughly I could hardly breathe? And then suddenly he was gone, he had simply curled out under my weakened grip.

Heavily panting I sat up, too, and watched him activating his CommLink.

"That was not fair!"

"All is fair in love and war, Ani."

But his smile was sad, and I knew he thought the same thing as I.

"And unluckily we are in both."

Lost in his CommLink, Obi-Wan slumped back onto the bed, I crossed my legs around his waist and massaged his back while I read the message over his shoulders.

"Obi-Wan, Council Meeting at 10.00 am. Mace Windu"

Obi-Wan looked on the watch in his CommLink and jumped up like thunderstruck.

"F…Force! I've got only ten minutes!"

Half mad, half amused I watched him whirling around in the room collecting his clothes while he was trying to unravel his hair.

During his bustling in the bathroom (I heard him curse as he fell over his half-packed bag) I stood up and made him some strong coffee, knowing that he would be in a killing mood for the whole day without it. As he appeared again, hair more ruffled than before and with two different socks on his feet, I first of all put a cup of coffee in his hands and forced him down on a chair while I went for the second black sock which was under the bed (No idea how it had landed there, I swear!).

Obi-Wan waggled his toes while I changed the socks on his right foot, let me unravel his hair and kiss away the coffee mark around his mouth. Then he looked on his CommLink watch again, shuddered and swallowed the last bit of the coffee on the way out.

Already with a hand on the door handle he turned around and kissed me again.

"How lucky I am to have you…"

Then he opened the door and vanished and all he left was the sweet scent of peppermint, honey and coffee lingering in my nose.

***

Things changed soon. First of all I noticed that Obi-Wan became more silent when we were together. He had always been a taciturn man although he could really deal with words. There was no one out there on all the stars the Negotiator could not convince in a talk, with words soft as clouds or piercing as snake bites, but it was kind of his job and in privacy he barely ever used his eloquence.

Somehow the things had become more difficult between us. Obi-Wan often was withdrawn and lost in thoughts. At first I assumed that it was because I had been knighted two months ago, and the fact that we could not live in one room any longer made it more difficult to spend time together. One always had to sneak into the other one's room without being seen, and the same game again when leaving. It was really annoying. I thought this everlasting hide-and-seek made him sick and tried to cheer him up when we were together because I couldn't do anything else.

Then the day came when we were sent on a mission together, to Callux III, one of the moons of Coruscant. The reigning leader of Callux III, Thanti Reeil, was believed corrupt and the rebel group that tried to overthrow him had hired the Jedi for some investigations. In fact they were right with their assumptions, and only three days after our arrival we walked into the palace's front hall with all evidences we needed to take Reeil into custody. I felt my neck prickle as a foreboding and Obi-Wan stiffened next to me, both aware of the menace around us, but time was too short to take cover. We had barely time to ignite our lightsabers and turn back to back before the Blaster fire began. Battle droids appeared from everywhere, they were behind the pillars, floating out of corridors and some even jumped down from the ceiling. Obi-Wan shouted over the noise of Blaster shots that were hit back from walls and sabers.

"It's a trap, Anakin! He knew we would come!"

And in the same moment a Speeder shot past the window.

"That's him!", I yelled.

"Follow him, Obi-Wan! I'll deal with those!"

With my words I cut two droids a time in pieces. Obi-Wan pushed off from my back and somersaulted over the crowd of opponents and his hair waved like fire. He was halfway down the hall when he suddenly stopped and turned around. I had no idea why, but his face was pale with worries and pain. He opened his mouth to say something, but…

"Go!!!" I shouted, my voice echoing from the walls.

"I'll come after you!"

For a moment he hesitated, then nodded grimly and left the hall. As I stepped out myself ten minutes later after having demolished every single droid he drove around the corner on the Speeder bike, Thanti Reeil handcuffed and obviously boiling with rage next to him.

I was a little worried about Obi-Wan, and I couldn't really explain his behavior in the palace, but we couldn't talk about it because as soon as we reached our vessel, he excused himself and sat down in a room for meditating. I watched him from the door. He didn't notice me as he sat, his face illuminated by the lights of the stars we passed, legs crossed, fists clenched and his mouth moving slightly as if he was arguing with himself.

That was the moment when I really started to worry, because if Obi-Wan couldn't find peace in meditation, he couldn't find it anywhere else.

When we reached Coruscant, we went straight to the Council for the obligatory report, then I followed Obi-Wan to his rooms. Inside, he didn't turn around to kiss me as always, but sat down in a chair in front of the window. I took place facing him and waited while I studied his face. He was pale and I noticed shadows under his eyes as if he had not slept for days, and I simply wanted to hug him and cradle him into sleep. In his eyes, there was more confusion and pain than I'd ever seen, the usually calm ocean seemed to shiver under a heavy storm. But the most startling, the most alarming thing was that Obi-Wan Kenobi was obviously struggling for words. Never ever had the Negotiator been lost for words!

"Obi-Wan, what's the matter with you?"

He opened his mouth, closed it again, inhaled deeply and started.

"Anakin, we…we have to end it."

He could just as well have slapped me into my face. I could simply stare at him, with my heart pleading for a misunderstanding.

"Wh…?"

"We are Jedi, Anakin. We can't…we just…cannot…"

"But until now we were Jedi, too, and it didn't matter to you!"

"Because I thought I could handle it…I thought I could be stronger, but…in the hall with the droids…I couldn't leave you! I only wanted to save you, no matter what."

His face was so desperate wit this statement that it cut my heart.

"It were only battle droids. I could have dealt with them…"

He almost laughed, a bitter, painful sound.

"I know that, Anakin, and that's the point! I'm too worried about you…if something happened to you, I would walk through the whole galaxy to find and punish those who have done that to you. We can't keep on like that. I'm not a Jedi anymore, I'm just a man who loves, and this could kill us!"

I could not move, I could not contradict, I could just stare at him, in my heart the realization that I had always feared this to happen and that there was nothing I could do to make it right.

"Please leave now, Anakin.."

He stood up and turned to the window as if he was unable to look at me any longer, and as I reeled towards the door, my vision blurred with tears, I heard his low whisper against the window glass.

"I'm sorry, Anakin."


	6. Chapter 6

Hello everyone! This is just a typical Drama-Queen-Chapter where, in fact, nothing really happens…until the very end…*evil, very evil smile*

I just was in kind of a depressed mood when I wrote it…am I a little crazy when writing silly scenes between Anakin and Obi-Wan helps me out of despair? Please don't answer to that question!

However, if you are a little sad right now, too, maybe you'll like that chapter…and if you're happy, nothing can spoil your mood, alright? So please read it, rail at it and then review it…please! *Ewok-like expression on my slightly sunburnt face…I'm just not used to sun! SUN! in GERMANY!!! *

It wouldn't be apt to say that I was sad, or angry. It was rather like you would have taken away the planet a moon revolves, and I was the moon that glided across the galaxy without its stabilizing force that showed him the way. It happened that I woke up in the middle of the night in the Room of the Thousand Fountains with no idea how I had ended up there. All I remembered was that I had dreamt about Obi-Wan and me swimming and how his elegant body stretched just before it hit the water surface after a somersault, then I had opened my eyes and realized that I stood in the water waist-high and cried my heart out.

I tried so hard to focus on my life as a Jedi Knight that it almost ached, and I went on missions every time I could to spend as less time as possible in the Temple. I didn't want to see him, because I knew that a simple gaze out of his sea-blue eyes would break the weak walls I had erected around myself. The truth haunted me in my sleep, I woke up almost every night, crying like a baby and unable to stop.

But I guess I played my part well in publicity, just sometimes people stared at me a little confused because they had talked to me without that I perceived them…

"Anakin, wake up!"

See, that's just what I mean. I shook my head and focused on the man in front of me. Mace Windu gazed at me curiously.

"Anakin, could you please fetch a document for me out of Obi-Wan's rooms? He wanted to give it to me before he left for his mission to Ankay, but we didn't meet then. Here's the key, you know his rooms better than I do, at least you lived there for almost ten years. I need to meet the Council now, please put the documents into my rooms, ok? Thank you!"

He hurried away before I could contradict and left me behind with a bundle of keys in my hands. I was sure that it wouldn't be good to snoop in Obi-Wan's rooms, he wouldn't want me there…and I didn't want it, either! But I had to obey Master Windu's demand, whether it pleased me or not, so I turned around and slowly walked to the place I had not seen for almost half a year and that I had avoided like a Hutt soap and water. With shaky hands I opened the door…and got almost bowled over by the scent in the air: Peppermint and honey, and it was so familiar and bittersweet that I could only stand and breath for some time. In this moment I missed Obi-Wan so much I could hardly bear it.

Blinking the tears back I made my way into the room. Everything looked just like it had half a year ago, just there were no books flapped open on the kitchen table, no half-ready dissertations about Sith Lords or speed limits or whatever, and most of all there was no document. So I walked further, cautiously as if I feared to be struck down by the old robe that was thrown neglectfully over the kitchen chair.

And indeed it felt like I was struck down by memories as I recognized it as the black robe Obi-Wan had worn at the ball night…our first night together, and one of the best nights of my life, although he had been half-unconscious and feverish.

His hot skin on mine…Don't think about it, just don't think about it!

Stumbling I opened the door to the bedroom and immediately saw the sheet of white half-beneath the bed. A little smile twisted around my lips. That was all-Obi-Wan, working until he couldn't keep his eyes open. I bent down to grab the document…but behind it, there was another sheet of paper. I looked at it…and sat down on his bed, my legs too rickety to carry my weight. It was an old photograph of me and him, we both smiled into the camera, radiating with joy and happiness. I had put an arm around his shoulders and he had bent his head towards me, and for one moment it was like I could hear his voice again:

"Stop playing with my hair, Ani! You know I'm ticklish!"

The picture was creased a bit and there were three round spots on it, spots like...tears? The thought that Obi-Wan had fallen asleep with my picture in his hands, the thought that he had cried for me as I had cried for him should have made me happy, or at least satisfied, after all he cared a little bit about me, too, but all I could feel was anger and pain about a world that forced us to live with our mind, not with our heart. As I left the room with the document in my pocket, there were another two spots on the picture that stayed left behind on the floor, tears for a life that could have been.

***

Two weeks later I came back from a routine mission on Tibia. Still it was unfamiliar and a little strange to be alone on a mission, and when somebody called me "Knight" I still looked beside me expecting to see Obi-Wan.

But it got better slowly, time, the great healer, I figure, except the fact that I really had become a Workaholic, I was always on the run from mission to mission, because in the Temple there was too much that reminded me of him. Now, however, I had a three-day break that I had taken rather reluctantly, but Master Yoda had refused to send me away again.

"Leisure time, you need, young Skywalker. Like your Master, you are."

That had been kind of the moment when I had run out of arguments, because suddenly there was this painful lump in my throat that silenced me.

At first I had stayed in my rooms most of the time, still there was the risk of meeting Obi-Wan in the corridors, but on my second free (and rather boring) day I got daredevil and decided to swim in the Room of the Thousand Fountains. I had not been there since the inglorious episode of waking up on the shore, and I had to admit that I really had missed the hall and its sedative atmosphere. I swam some time and the cold water refreshed my cramped limbs, then I simply paddled around under a crag that almost formed a little cave above the water surface. Inside there, the reflections of the water painted the sea-weed-covered ceiling and the steps of the people walking on by sounded like a silent drum rhythm. Lazily I rested my head on a rock at the shore and thought about nothing, as suddenly…

"There was no argument, Master Yoda."

My heartbeat echoed I my ears, faster than for months. This was definitely the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi, and obviously he stood only some inches above me. I pressed my body as far away from the opening of the cave as possible.

Oh Force, just don't let him detect me!

Now Yoda raised his voice, and he sounded as clear and loud as if I stood next to them.

"Avoid him, you do. Avoid you, he does. Happened, what has, Obi-Wan?"

Another jolt flashed through my body as I realized that they were talking about me.

"Nothing has happened, Master Yoda. He has simply grown up."

Obi-Wan's voice was a little shaky. He had never been a good liar. Yoda grumbled indignantly.

"Grown up, he might have, but grown up, you have not, Obi-Wan. Try to run away, you do…always tried, you have. Well, if ponder I do…grown up too fast, you have!"

"I'm alright, Master Yoda, if it's that what you want to know!"

"Alright, you are not, Obi-Wan. Know that, you do."

"I fulfill all the tasks you give me, Master, and you could never complain!"

"A great Jedi you are, Obi-Wan, and pleased as always we are with your achievements. But pleased with yourself, you are not. Goodnight, Obi-Wan."

I heard the knock of the gimer stick on the ground, then, some moments later, footsteps in the opposite direction.

***

Two days later I was already on my way to Kerrol, a planet in the Outer Rim. The king of the Kerroli, Antto Ci Merro, had contacted the Jedi Council and asked for help because of some manipulated machines in hospitals and Med Centers, and I had been chosen to investigate.

I had always loved the moment I left Hyperroom and the planet I headed towards lay in front of me like a marble in the silk of the galaxy. Kerrol was shimmering red, I had read something about iron deposits in the mountains, and the morning fog blurred the shape of the planet arcanely.

After having landed on a platform in the middle of Leeuven, the capital, I gazed around expecting a delegation to fetch me, or at least a messenger. But no one seemed to wait for me, so I decided to search the palace on my own. Obi-Wan would have muttered into his beard because of this inattentiveness, the galaxy's greatest gentleman hated lacking politeness, but as soon as we would have reached the palace he would have been unbiased and charming again, because he was really not unforgiving.

Force, I should stop thinking about him. He was gone, he didn't care for me, he was not important right now…he was all I wanted. I guess I still have much to learn.

I entered the palace without passing any attendants, strange enough, but the lobby was empty, too. Now that I thought about it, the whole city had seemed to be quite deserted, as if no one dared to leave his house. That couldn't be caused only by some malfunctioning gadgets! Now I had almost reached the stairs, and suddenly I felt the well-known tickle in my neck. There was something very fishy about the whole affair! I grabbed for my lightsaber, but before I could reach it I felt a sudden pain in my shoulder and everything went black.


	7. Chapter 7

Hello again…wow, this was a pretty fast update :-) But I fear I'm selfish enough to declare that I only wanted reviews…reviews…*evil laughter, just like Grievous when he finally finds his linctus* So please, please, would you mind leaving just a little, yoda-sized note…for this is the second last chapter? Well, probably I should do a placement with Obi-Wan…I guess I really could learn something from the Negotiator! (And I'm speaking about convincing people, not about anything else^^)

However, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and if not, the torture won't last very long now, I promise! (Wow, what a great piece of transition…I'm brilliant :-))

"Anakin, wake up!"

Two sea-blue eyes and a huge grin searched their way through my sleepy, half-open eyelids and a soft kiss brushed my forehead while the marvelous scent of coffee and pancakes hovered through the kitchen door.

"Jedi!"

The sea-blue eyes vanished, instead of them I was pierced by two ice-blue eyes full of hatred and taunt. What the Force…? I tried to touch my aching head, but realized that my hands were tied up between kind of a trestle. My head only slowly grasped what had happened to me, but suddenly I knew whose eyes gleamed at me sneeringly.

"Asajj Ventress!"

"Oh, great, Jedi Boy! Well I have to say I'm really pleased. Of all the Jedi the Council could have sent they actually picked you…the Chosen One, and the former Padawan of Kenobi, how…useful!"

"The call from Kerrol was a trick? But…what do you want from me?"

I guess this was a really silly question. She was a dark fighter, almost a Sith, what would she doubtless do with a Jedi? But I was terribly wrong. She came so close to me our foreheads almost touched and hissed with a low, greedy voice:

"I want Obi-Wan Kenobi!"

I stared at her, eyes wide open in shock, but she had already turned around and paced to and fro in front of me.

"Scum Kenobi! If he hadn't detained me, I would already be a Lady of the Sith…He really believes there's still something…good in me!"

She snorted, and the sound made me flinch.

"If I kill him, the Count will take me as his apprentice with open arms. He would already have done that…if General Kenobi had not poked his nose into everything!"

She seemed to have completely forgotten my presence, but suddenly her face was only an inch in front of mine.

"Call him, Skywalker, tell him that you need his help on your mission. Bountiful Kenobi will appear in a minute, and you will be free!"

"What if I refuse to do so?"

My voice was a little bit higher than usual, and her grin made me shudder.

"Then you will regret it, Jedi Boy!"

And with a tiny movement she pulled down a lever beneath the struts I was tied up to. My own yell echoed in my ears. It felt like my blood would burn, it felt like being stabbed by thousands of knives, it felt like being left of Obi-Wan again. Obi-Wan…I suppressed my scream. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction to see me suffer, and I would rather die than betray my Obi-Wan. With a jolt I realized that this was indeed possible. No one would find me here on Kerrol…if I was still on Kerrol, and no one would search for me soon. Missions could take longer than estimated, and the Council didn't expect regular briefings. Obi-Wan would probably even glad that he got rid of me…No…that was not true. He loved me. He loved me, and if I only talked myself into believing to endure the torture. Pain…it tore me apart…but if these were my last hours, I would spend them with him…and if I could die to save him, I would die gladly…

_I was nine again and watched through a keyhole the shivering bundle that was my Master, rocking with tears. He never cried in front of me, although it had only been two months since Qui-Gon had died and Obi-Wan had not only lost his Master who had been like a father to him, but his entire youth. I felt miserable, because it was all because of me that he had to be responsible and adult right now when he only wanted to mourn. It had taken weeks until I was brave enough to open the door and snuggle into his lap, pressing my small body to his chest until his sobs ebbed away. That was the first time I had noticed his scent, peppermint and honey and this scent had become the sign for home and affection to me. _

And incredibly, absolutely inconceivably the pain had weakened as I had thought about him, it was like the reminiscences of Obi-Wan would built walls around me, I still felt the pain as a far roaring, but I could fight it, I could bear it, although I didn't know for how long.

_What I did was close to meditating, it was like a trance. Obi-Wan sparring with me, sweat glittering on his beautiful face, but still he moved like an angel, elegantly and easy._

"_Come on, Anakin! Step right, blow, somersault…great!"_

_Obi-Wan laughing about a joke I had made, his eyes sparkling as stars, tiny laughter lines framing them like I wanted to frame his lithe shape…_

_Obi-Wan in a Council meeting, dignified and eloquent, yet trying to suppress a grin while I was making faces behind the back of Master Windu…_

_Obi-Wan swimming in the Room of the Thousand Fountains, hair wet and ruffled and smiling so brightly…_

_Obi-WanObi-WanObi-Wan…_

Suddenly the pain was gone, but before I could gasp for breath a hand slapped my face. Ventress stood in front of me, her eyes full of gleaming fury.

"Oh, little Jedi Boy doesn't want to cooperate? Well, this is just one day of thousand, and no one will hear you cry!"

She walked away, murmuring something about "rotten Jedi-mind tricks" and I had time to gaze around me. I was imprisoned in kind of an old hall that must have been pretty one day, but all the splendor had long gone. I couldn't find any sign of a planet she could have brought me to, nothing special or significant, and nothing I could use to break free. Over my contemplations I had almost forgotten the Dark Jedi who came towards me, face distorted by a devilish grin. In her hand, there shimmered a Vibro dagger…

I had no idea how long she had tortured me, all I thought of was blocking the pain and her sneering voice.

"Skywalker, some day you will get insane with pain…and then it will be easy for me to get what I want."

Blood was dropping off my forehead and I panted heavily, but I was not broken. I was not broken.

***

The days passed and I acted pretty good. Ventress got angrier and angrier, soon she didn't even try any longer to hurt me herself but let the torture machine do this job. With every hour it became harder to fight the pain, but I knew that if it overwhelmed me she would have won. I had not slept for days, she gave me nothing to eat or drink and I was so exhausted I was close to a faint, but still I fought, although my thoughts had become feverish and numb.

_Obi-Wan laying lazily in the grass of a foreign planet, completely relaxed for the first time for months…his skin like polished marble in the sunlight…the tiny ginger hairs on his arms reflecting the rays, blinding me…he had sea-blue eyes…they were just like the ocean, just like the ocean…oh, let the pain end, let it end, please…laying in his arms, holding me tight as they always did…so happy I could fly, I swear I would fly if you didn't hold me tight, Obi-Wan, I swear, I would…you are humming in my ears…so peaceful and calm…if the pain went by…my eyes are closing…I can't keep them open, I can't…hum again, Obi-Wan, please, let me sleep in your arms...I can't go on, forgive me…hmhmmmhmmhmhm…_

A scream…a ray of pure, blue light…ginger hairs dancing like flames…and everything went black…

***

"Anakin? Anakin! Oh Force, what has she done to you?"

A voice, so beloved, so familiar…but he couldn't be there…another fantasy of my tortured mind?

"Anakin, open your eyes! I beg you, my Ani!"

I want to, Obi-Wan, I really want to, but if I do, you will vanish…I don't want to wake up…everything's aching…but you are with me, Obi-Wan, that's enough…

"Ani…oh, my Ani…"

Are you crying, Obi-Wan? Don't you cry, I don't want you to feel bad…I want to do what you want from me, believe me, but I can't…

Obi-Wan's face in front of me, his eyes full of tears, his beautiful eyes…don't you cry, my love…

"Anakin…", his voice broke, "Oh, thank you…Ani, can you see me?"

I tried to nod, but my head…so heavy in his lap…

"Wait, Ani, I'll fetch a Medi Droid!"

No…if I know nothing at all I know that I need you to stay…don't leave me…don't leave me again…my hands clenched into his tunic…don't go…

Darkness again…


	8. Chapter 8

Hey you all,

Last chapter finally uploaded! It's almost a little sad right now, *sniff*…

But attachments are forbidden, etc., pp., and so on, yes, Master Windu, I heard you!

And maybe, maybe, you will make farewell easier for me with a tiny review? Please :-)

I hope you enjoy the last chapter of "Are we human, or are we dancers"!

* * *

Every breath I took hurt. I lay on kind of a couch, all my limbs aching, my mind blurred and slow, but it didn't matter, nothing mattered but the hand, the calloused hand with the ginger down on the back that I knew so well although I didn't open my eyes and that stroke my forehead so gently, and the calm voice that hummed, low and blandly, just like it had hummed in all my dreams.

I wouldn't open my eyes. If I did, he would know that I was alright, and then he would leave again. I knew I could not pretend to sleep forever, and that he would go inevitably, but I would enjoy the moment to the full when there was only me and him, my head and his hand, my breathing and his voice humming for me.

Suddenly Obi-Wan broke off and I heard a door open. A mechanical, tinny voice filled the air, a stark opposite to Obi-Wan's dulcet, warm vox I loved so adoringly.

"General Kenobi, Sir."

"Please give me a report…M-435."

He always went to the trouble of calling droids with their series number, because in his opinion not even droids deserved unfriendliness.

"Your humming calms him down, Sir. He's steady right now, although the torture has caused severe injuries."

"Will he…"

Obi-Wan cleared his voice and tried again, but the droid seemed to have understood.

"Physically, there will only remain some scars, General. But his psyche could have been damaged by his struggle to resist the tortures…Please, General, let me check your wounds."

My eyes almost flew open in reflex. Obi-Wan was hurt?

"I'm alright, thank you."

Oh, how many times had I heard these words…

"You are bleeding, Sir."

"It's nothing..she just grazed me. Anakin is far worse…"

Silence between them, then the droid seemed to realize that he didn't stand a chance to persuade Obi-Wan to get himself checked.

"Goodnight, Sir."

"Thank you, M-435."

Cool hands again, stroking my feverish head, but now they were trembling a little.

"Ani, oh, my Ani…I'm so sorry…"

Obviously Obi-Wan tried to suppress a sob! He should never, ever cry because of me. I opened my eyes and looked right into the beautiful sea-blue twin crystals that I had missed like the warming sun, swimming in tears and dark with worries. Now they widened in surprise, and despite the pain, despite the fear, despite his leaving I lost myself in them immediately.

"Anakin…", he whispered in surprise, his hands holding my face as if he couldn't believe what he saw.

"Anakin, can you hear me?"

"Obi-Wan…", I choked, my voice hoarse of the suppressed cries.

"Obi-Wan, I'm sorry…"

He gritted his teeth in agony.

"Anakin, it's me to be sorry! All you have endured, all the pain you went through…just because of me! I can't do anything to make this right!"

Now tears were leaking out of my eyes, too.

"You can, Obi-Wan…"

He bent over me, eyes full of hope.

I needed to say it, I needed him, even if it made his pain worse.

"What can I do?"

I lifted my weak, heavy arms and pulled him closer to me, now really crying. It was like all the blocked pain would echo in my mind.

"Stay with me…please!"

I cried myself to sleep in his arms, face buried in his tunics, and he didn't back away, he just held me tight and I clang to him like a drowning man, and my heart broke by the thought of letting him go again.

***

Waking up in another bed, in another room. My mind was still blurred, but the pain had ebbed away almost completely. I tried to move, slowly, carefully, until I stood next to the bed, reeling, shaky, but back on my feet. I was quite sure that it was irresponsible to leave the bed, but as always my emotions won over my mind and I staggered towards the kitchen…please, let him be there…

Suddenly there were strong hands catching me after I had lost my balance and preventing me from falling. I looked up, although I didn't need my eyes to recognize my savior, his scent of peppermint and honey gave him away.

Obi-Wan half-dragged, half-carried me back to bed, my arms around his waist, but as we reached the mattress I just refused to let go so that he was pulled onto my chest. Somehow he managed not to touch me while he rolled over my body force-balanced, and I guess I should have counted myself lucky because his weight would have definitely hurt my injured ribs, but in this moment I wanted nothing more than our skins to touch.

I still had my arms around him, I would rather die than let go, we lay next to each other, foreheads almost touching and both scared to death by the talk that laid in front of us. Obi-Wan bite his lips.

"Do you feel better, Anakin?"

I nodded. Physically, I was almost fine. I was my heart that made me worried.

"How did you find me?"

"I don't know…one night I woke up with the certain knowledge that you were in pain. I guess I've pretty terrified the Council, showing up in the middle of the night without an explanation and threatening them until I was allowed to search for you. I went to Kerrol immediately, but no one could tell me where you were. Nobody even seemed to have realized you had been there. Then I finally made it up to Ci Merro, the leader, and as I was just waiting in front of his bureau, I had…I don't know, the urgent impulse to open the door without being called. I burst right into a communication between Ci Merro and Asajj Ventress, and I could overhear enough to know that she had captured you and where she held you in prison…on Safra, a close moon. I rushed there immediately. I fought with Ventress, but she escaped and I freed you from this…from this terrible machine. I thought…I thought I would have come too late…"

He turned his head away from me, and I was nine again staring through the keyhole to where my Master tried to hide his pain. But this time I knew I could not just snuggle into his lap and things would be alright.

As he looked at me again I got hypnotized by his eyes, blast, I had not been able to see them for far too long, and although they had haunted me in my sleep every night, my mind obviously had not kept how beautiful they really were. Again Obi-Wan was turning everything upside-down inside of me just by the look in his eyes and my mouth opened to say the only thing I could say.

"I love you."

Obi-Wan flinched back, eyes wide open, until he sat on the farthest corner of my bed.

"Anakin…we can't…"

"Why did you know where she held me captured? Why did you rescue me? This is love, Obi-Wan, and I cannot deny it!"

For one moment he looked so sad and dismayed that it cut my heart, but then his face hardened.

"I have never denied my feelings, Anakin. I just try to control them, and things would be easier if you could do that, too!"

Hot tears were burning in my eyes.

"Have you cried yourself to sleep for a thousand times since we parted, Obi-Wan? I did! Have you dreamt of me and woke up almost happy until you realized that it was only a dream? Have you found yourself in the Room of the Thousand Fountains in the middle of the night with no idea how you got there? Have you prevented yourself with the last bit of strength from simply taking a Speeder and push the accelerator until the pain would finally end? Well, I did, and I just can't take it any longer!"

His shoulders were trembling, and as he faced me again I saw that he was crying, too.

"Do you think this is easy for me?"

He was yelling now, arms helplessly outstretched. I had never seen him losing control over himself like that.

"Do you think it's easy to always be…responsible and wise and…do you know what it's like to watch those you love dying in your arms and you cannot do anything against it? Do you know how it feels to see them being struck down in front of your eyes and all you can do is watch and pray that they're spared this time? I've already loved too much once in my life, and when I lost the only father I ever had…that could have destroyed me, Anakin, and I will not destroy you!"

He was pale as death and trembling with sobs, and I stood up again to come closer to him, but again he blenched, in his eyes the desperate struggle to be strong once more, perhaps one time too often.

"Obi-Wan…you destroy me if I can't be with you. It's too late, it's far too late to step back, and you never had a choice. I fell in love with you when I was barely fifteen, and I cannot make it undone. I would not make it undone, because the time I had with you…it is the most precious thing I will ever possess, Obi-Wan!"

I walked closer to him, arms outstretched, but still he flinched until his back touched the wall.

"It kills us, Obi-Wan. I can't be without you, and you can't be without me! If you leave me again, you will destroy me without a doubt…but you can save me and maybe I can save you, too!"

He stared at me, so much pain, so much regret, so much fear in his eyes…

"I beg you, Obi-Wan…", I sobbed, and suddenly there was his body pressed against mine, my arms around his waist, his face buried on my chest, his sobs rocking us both.

"I'm sorry, Anakin…I'm so sorry…"

His grief doubled mine.

"_I_'m sorry, Obi-Wan! We can't end it, I can't fight any longer…please forgive me…"

He bowed his head to my throat, I bent down and our lips met in a desperate, shining kiss, and it was like winning it all by losing, like being stabbed to live, like falling and flying away at once. His lips tasted of honey and salt of our tears, we were clinging onto each other, unable to let go, unable to stop crying, unable to separate agony from bliss and tears from kisses.

We fell asleep some time, helplessly entwined and more alive than in the past half year, and I hugged the man who had risked his soul to save my sanity, who cried like a boy and acted like a hero and whom I could never stop loving.

***

A low voice humming to my ears, and although it was a little hoarse of crying it was more beautiful, pure and light than anything I'd ever heard. I had been lying in these arms for a million times in my mind, I had dreamt of these seconds far too often to count it, but now, in reality, it simply overwhelmed me and I didn't dare to move to not end this moment of bliss I wished to last for eternity. Soft lips touched my cheeks as he mumbled:

"I know you're awake, Ani."

I just snuggled deeper into his embrace.

"I know you know. I just wished it would stay like that. I wished you would hold me forever."

He sighed.

"Just with you I'm whole, Anakin.", he said firmly."I haven't got the strength to leave you again. I will stay with you…as long as you want me to."

My heart seemed to shiver with emotions, and our lips touched with a jolt of helpless bliss.

"I will never let you go."

***

This is the story of two men loving too much. This is the story of two broken souls who could only be whole together. This is the story of breaking the rules for what you need the most, and if you might find it reckless I'll tell you that we both never had a choice. When I first met Obi-Wan Kenobi on the dusty desert planet of Tatooine, I had no idea how this man would destroy my life by giving it a sense, and I can't tell how grateful I am. He taught me everything he knew, but instead of father and son we became equal lovers, and when I look into his eyes I can't help thinking that this was the will of the Force. Maybe one day we can simply live together without hiding our emotions, maybe when this war is over, and maybe then General Kenobi will vanish forever and Obi-Wan will walk with me into the sun dawn.

"Anakin?"

"I'm coming, Obi-Wan."

I will follow, wherever you go.

* * *

Whoa, story told! In fact I wrote this just to cheer me up (I fear I laughed like an idiot with the first chapter…how Anakin gives Obi-Wan a handshake :)), but soon every chapter brought me close to tears (well you don't need much to reach that goal…see my profile)…I'm simply a drama queen! Thank you for everyone who wrote a review, and thank you all for reading (but not leaving a review…I'm gonna struck you with a Force Lightning!:) ), maybe you liked what you read, and maybe you will read my next stories, too. Hope to see you soon, Leolina

P.S. Special thanx to ObiBettina7, she wrote a review to every chapter! Kisses from Loser-Jedi to Loser-Jedi :-)


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